I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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