my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize