Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just want to make out with him forever
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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