Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What did we do last night that was yellow?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
