Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
