M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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