just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
