when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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