i don't plan on having that self control this summer
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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