I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
