And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
