my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
