babies were throwing up all over the place
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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