You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
