He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
