Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
