i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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