the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
