It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
