Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
