i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
