my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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