Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
birth control should be required to get into college
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
