I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
