3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
