I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
