I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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