He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
