I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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