I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just tell him i said nine months
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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