Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
