Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
