Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize