everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
