it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
