She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
