oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
