what day is it and did you see me today?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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