I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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