THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
