Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This baby is an asshole
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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