I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
