Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
