I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
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