whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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