Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
