Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
