Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
