I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
