So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
