even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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