i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
