The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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