"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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