I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
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