He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
