Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
