its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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