So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
