Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
