I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
