I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
