I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
