I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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