textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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