My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Randomize
