Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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