i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize