We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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